| So life is finally back to normal...or, the usual, i should say...any speck of hope leading to dissappointment  I am seriously so used to it that I should just start waiting for the next shitty thing to happen. I try not to complain because i feel like such a whiney baby. Its a good thing im optomistic because instead of going crazy i just try to forget about it. And usually it works, but since i just chose to forget things, now theyre all coming back. Yesterday was such a horrible day. For some reason everything struck me so hard. I was sitting in 3rd period, and i was just thinking about everything. Everything good that has happened, everything bad, and stuff that happened like 5 years ago! I had to stop myself from crying because i was being soooo emotional about stuff that really isnt such a big deal. Like if you said something mean to me, i would have started crying. Usually i take negativity well. Its not that i like it, but i just shrug it off, in hopes that someone will tell you to go fuck yourself later that day. I hate being so negative but everything has been affecting me so personally, and not in a good way. I used to be nice, i used to always have a good day, I used to be so positive about everything and nothing really bothered me like stuff does now. I dont know what happened to me but it need to stop. Im to the point where my life sucks. Ok, maybe it doesnt "suck" but all i want is for something good to happen to me. Ah, again with the whiney stuff but i dont care right now. It seems that everyone is happy right now. Things have happened to them that they never thought imaginable. Great for them, really, but when is it my turn? I have to sit and listen to everyones awesome life and it makes me feel worse! I like hearing your stuff and helping but now is not the time to come to me with your probelms! So later during the day, i wsant even around anyone who i usually am to remind me of what i was missing but I was thinking about some really meaningful things that have been said to me. Believe it or not, i can remember all of the weird little things people say to me. I dont know why but that just sticks with me and whenever i am having a bad day, it usually helps but yesterday, they just made it worse. I cant even explain what was wrong with me in the first place, like why out of nowhere i started to get all sad but it could not have been better timing. I feel better writing this, like right now, i say fuck it to any problems brought to me. Today im just expecting the worst, so if you have anything to say, please, bring it on. |
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| mmmmmmm things are going sooooooo good!!!  |
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| im in great fucking mood  i guess just a little high on life now for no reason but its all good. ive been so much happier lately...idk. so christmas is soon and thats WAY exciting. just nobody to spend it with... oh well anyway im gonna go enjoy my little high...
peace fuckers! <3 <3 <3 |
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| memories are overrated all they do is get you devastated |
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| ok guys so im actully having a good day for once...now lets see how long this will last... |
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